I scoured the Earth,
Looking for a love
That would love me the way I had always wanted to be loved.
Looking for someone
Who would be brave enough
To look into the darkness of my eyes
And be the moon to light it up.

Looking for someone who would see my cracked heart
As cracked.
Not shattered, the way everyone else saw it.

Looking for someone
Who would bear my conspiracy theories
And the random bursts of philosophy that grab me
At 2 a.m.

I boarded spaceships,
And whizzed past galaxies
Of pink and purple,
Getting sucked into blackholes
in my desperation
To be loved, for once,
The way I had always wanted to be loved.

But in that blackhole,
Time froze and I,
Was caught in a parabola of black and white
And things I had not yet read about.

It was an epiphany.

I realised that I already had the someone I was looking for.

It took a supernatural amount of rubble,
Pain, suffering, wandering,
Exploration,
For me to finally realize that the love I was looking for
Was already in myself.

I was the person who stayed up with myself
When life pushed me down into really dark trenches.

I willed myself to move forward,
Take one step after another, even when I couldn’t see
The light at the end of the tunnel.

I healed my scars,
Grew flowers in the cracks of my heart
So that if light ever entered,
It knew where to start from.

I was in my own embrace before I was in anyone else’s.

I was my first love.

I was the someone I was looking for.